You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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