NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
