.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
