i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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