he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
