I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
