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• (314): View more from Missouri

  So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.

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• (661): View more from California

  i wish semen tasted like chocolate

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• (512): View more from Texas

  it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive

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• (714): View more from California

  I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I think your dad took our porno

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car

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• (352): View more from Florida

  He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...

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