last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
