So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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