you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
