Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize