they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize