I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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