I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
