Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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