i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
