it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
