Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
