I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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