I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
