I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
