Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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