I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
whose parrot is this?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
