im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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