This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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