OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
well you can't waste a boner
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
