Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were trust falling into bushes
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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