i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
