She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
