If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize