he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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