I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
