you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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