I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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