HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
