Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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