How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
