I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
