I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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