You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
my liver is dry heaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize