Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
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My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
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I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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