I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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