we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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