is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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