Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
