when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
