Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize