i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
