Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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