ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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