she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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