glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
