dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
