Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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