dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
