I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
