I hate your face
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
