i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
