i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Everclear isn't food dammit
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
