So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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