Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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