We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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